I was nosing through my site’s hosting admin panels this morning & one of the things I noticed is that it has a list of top search phrases which people have found my site using. This really just speaks miles about life:

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what happens when you sneeze
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1. At any given time, one of my coworkers is a plant working for my enemies.

2. Actually, there is no traffic in Los Angeles.

3. When I am caught & punished for disobeying orders, the only way to solve the problem is to escape my punishment & disobey even further orders to prove that I was right all along.

4. All sexy women who do not work with me are slutty super-stealth ninja mercenaries working for my enemies.

5. The President’s direct personal phone line is easily & readily available. Also - he always answers it himself.

6. Breaking the law is acceptable if it will help me complete my job. This is especially true when my boss has directly ordered me not to do so.

7. Being shot, though unlikely, always ends in an immediate death except if struck in the neck. Neck wounds require only 2 hours of rest & recovery.

8. My coworker’s personal dramas will not only interfere with their job, but put myself or one of my coworkers in a life threatening situation.

9. Presidential visits to Los Angeles always coincide with terrorist activities. When the President visits Los Angeles, it is time to take a vacation somewhere else.

10. All terrorist activities occur in the greater Los Angeles region.

11. Never, ever set up a perimeter to catch an enemy. It will be quickly and easily compromised.

12. Intra-office romances always end with one or both parties dying.

13. Nobody is dead until an uninvolved 3rd party coroner confirms it.

14. All cellphones have a connection port for & can read any form of data storage device.

15. Satellites are always conveniently located where you need them to track people.

16. The ability to resist urinating, shitting, eating and sleeping for 24 hours is much more common among people than I was led to believe.

Is it just me or do the writers of 24 seem to be having a contest for who can write the coolest death scenes in this season?