I don’t even know where to start…so how bout the simple facts.

I have been avidly awaiting The Incredibles for 3 years now for one reason - Brad Bird. He is by far the best thing to happen to animation in the modern era. He earns this title almost singlehandedly from his hand in the Simpsons alone which he was a part of during their best years. But he definitely earned it for making The Iron Giant.

The Iron Giant is by far and without exception the best animated film ever made. Period. None better. Not by Pixar. Not by Disney. Not by Miyazaki. Not by Hertzfeldt. It is the E.T. of animated films emphasizing story and character in what can only be called some freaking beautiful animation. There is not a single wasted frame of film in this movie and easily rates as one of my top favorite films of all time.

I will try restrain myself from turning this into a rant about how Warner Bros screwed a freaking Great Dane of a pooch by not advertising it, but will suffice myself by mentioning that the New York Times dedicated an article berating Warner Bros for not realizing what an incredible gem of a film they had on their hands.

After its disappointing theatre run, word spread that WB was going to spend a load of money on the video/DVD release of the film, but once again, they did nothing. Then about six months later, rumor started abounding that Brad Bird was working on a 4-disc DVD special edition to be put in stores. It seemed like everytime that rumor started to die, something would happen to spark it again.

In my nightly surfing, AWN had an article that it is FINALLY happening and will be released just before my birthday!

Read about it here

I stumbled across this link last night before I went to bed. It is really odd, but incredibly funny.

When you play, be sure to go back & put it in a place she will find it if you guess right. The BUSTED video sequences are funnier than the successful wins.

I have had many of what I commonly refer to as “Simpson moments” in my life. Not OJ Simpson where I savagely murder an ex & then hire a slew of lawyers to get me off the case, but the Fox Network cartoon Simpsons. The Simpson Moments occur when something happens in my real life that seems to have been ripped straight out of an episode of the Simpsons.

Given the number of episodes they have made of the Simpsons, most of you are probably thinking “Geez, these happen to me two to three times a day,” but I am not talking about the more common moments of the show like discovering your baby shot your boss.

The most memorable & my favorite to relate was while in Florida, riding in a car with my parents, my grandmother, & my wife. I don’t remember quite how it happened, but somehow or other we got to talking about movies. This conversation occured:

Grandmother: What is that movie where they are driving the bus?
Me: Speed?
Theresa: Yeah Speed.
Grandmother: No. I don’t think that was it. It’s the one where they have to keep the bus going fast or else it will blow up.
Theresa: That was Speed.
Grandmother: No the one where they have to keep the bus’s speed over 50 miles an hour and they are driving all over the city
Me: It was Speed.

My second one just occured recently. I think I met Grandpa Simpson. I told a short story. They responded with a long drawn out ramble that went nowhere with no particular direction nor point, ending the story precisely where it began and then telling it over again. I have summarized it as this:

“That reminds me of an interesting story that happened to me once. Well, it doesn’t so much remind of the story as it was just on my mind. Also the story isn’t so much interesting as it is long and boring.”

Thus it is my life has come to imitate the Simpsons…I am hoping next my life will begin to imitate other tv shows like the MacGuyver where I will be forced to save the world using only a playing card, an egg & a roll of duct tape.

I have been telling Theresa that I was going to blog about this for a few weeks now, but I forgot until it happened again. I am beginning to dislike Hugh Jackman quite a lot. First, let me mention I do not know him, have never met him & basing this entry purely upon my own personal experiences. In fact, I am very big fan of his movies. X-Men 1&2 and Van Helsing are thoroughly entertaining films.

That said….

The first reason I have grown to dislike him arises from a discussion at a party a few weeks ago. The topic of “which famous person would you leave your significant other for” arose. Mine changes week to week. The most recent was Catherine Zeta Jones who I am convinced is reverse-aging every time I see her in a commercial. Theresa’s response that night was Hugh Jackman. So now I have to watch out when we are galavanting around town to make sure he isn’t around. But I figure even if we do see him, I can still beat him up cuz I am sure he is probably one of those short guys who just looks tall on screen.

The second reason is that about once a month for the last 4-5 months, I receive spam e-mails from him entitiled “[FREE PORN] See the women from Van Helsing naked!” Now, obviously, because of the new canned spam laws, it is illegal for someone to PRETEND to be him so it MUST be him sending me these unsolicited e-mails.

I might mention that he is not the first celebrity to e-mail me spam. Previously I have received spam e-mails from such celebrities as Justin Timberlake (though he misspelled his own name Timbrelaek) & Britney Spears. Britney was sending me e-mail telling me how to enlarge certain anatomical parts of my body. This is quite surprising as she & I have not yet slept together (YET being the key word). But I digress….

So ok…..I have an e-mail from Hugh Jackman saying he has porn for me to see. “COOL” was my reaction when i got the first e-mail. So I opened it. Lo & behold - it is not porn at all! It is an advertisement telling me to buy some sort of herbal concoction which will enlarge above said body part.

WHAT THE FUCK!!!?!?! I thought. Does this guy not make enough money doing movies that he needs to sell magical elixers online? Or maybe he squandered it all away to get retractable claws so he can say “I AM WOLVERINE!!!!” And why is he telling people he has pictures of all the Van Helsing girls naked? At the very least he could just tell me the truth about the e-mail’s contents. So if anyone out there knows him, could you please tell Mr. Jackman that I am getting a little annoyed with his e-mails. I am sure he gets a lot of fan e-mail & does not respond to them so I would rather get the message to him personally to make sure my point is clear.

An important announcement. In light of recent events, the Lakers have changed their logo to the following:

Speaking as a basketball fan, the lakers performance in Finals series was an utter joke. The Lakers were an embarassment to themselves & to the league. I am sure all of you will have your reasons and excuses, but by halfway through the third, they gave up. I watched Detroit run circles around 5 listless players who were wondering if they could catch an earlier flight home.

Since I know the first comment from Scott will be something to the lines of “yeah but the Mavericks didnt make it this far” let me say this:

1 - The Mavericks NEVER gave up in any game of any playoff series. Yes they blew it at the end of 3 games in the playoffs, but they blew it in tight games where they lost by 1 or 2 points. The Lakers played 5 games of TERRIBLE basketball and one good OT quarter.”

2 - The Mavericks were not deemed one of the best teams ever assembled in the history of the NBA who were ensured to take the championship. The Lakers were predicted to be THE TEAM to take it all without any problems. They got complacent at the beginning of every series in the playoffs only seeming to want to play when their backs were to the wall. This is a sign of sheer contempt towards the fans in my opinion. These guys are professional basketball players & should give 100% EVERY game…..

3 - The Mavericks were not predicted to break the Bulls record of 72-10. I said at the beginning of the season the Lakers were too old to be able to go the length of the season & were going to face injuries. Malone is case in point for both. From what I understand, practices were scheduled around AARP meetings to accomodate for Malone & Payton.

4 - The Mavericks played AS A TEAM in EVERY GAME. The Lakers were 5 individuals playing 5 games of one on one. They were NOT a team. At the beginning of the season they were playing team basketball, but egos reared their ugly heads. Everyone wanted to be the star. This is exemplory of 90’s basketball when players worried more about their image than about the team winning. It sucked then and it sucked now.

At this point I am hesitant to even call the Lakers one of the greatest could-have-been’s ever. They played nothing short of aweful during the 5 games of the finals. Jackson should be fired before he can step down. Maybe I am being too harsh on him though. It did seem to me that Feng Shui was way out of alignment in the arena in Detroit.

The Mavericks did not win the championship this year…or the year before…or the year before…or the year before…but at least they would have gone down fighting as a team if they had made it that far.

God save us all if George W Bush gets re-elected, but if this were real, even I would be compelled to vote for him.

“This is your brains on BRAINS!”

James’s new blog entry is uninspired & boring.

1 - The Lakers lost.

2 - After game 2, I predicted that Detroit was going to wipe the floor with the Lakers. The Lakers fans I spoke to all said “the Lakers are in the groove.” What I saw was that the Lakers got cocky, and when they get cocky they get lazy. Add to this that Detroit was pissed that they should have won & Malone’s knee injury, and you have a formula for a Detroit win.

3 - I finally won a bet against the Lakers. John, you aint seeing my money this post season.

4 - The Lakers lost……BY A FUCK LOAD OF POINTS. (A fuck load = 20)

When your team is up by 3 points with 4 seconds left and you are playing a team who has a roster of clutch players who can shoot 3-pointers, what do you do?

You foul the player with the ball BEFORE they can get a shot off, let them take 2 points with the free throws and maintain control of the ball on the inbounds pass.

I hate the Lakers so very, very much.

“The highlander was a documentary and the events were shot in real time.”

Also congrats to Tampa on a hard fought win for the Stanley Cup. I was pulling for Calgary (well actually for Dallas, but they choked like they thought they were from Philly), but it was still a great series.

Hopefully there will be a season next year.