Friend: I am bored
GenericAndy: you should make photocopies of blank paper
GenericAndy: if anyone asks why, tell them you are running out of blank paper
Friend: where do u come up with this shit?
GenericAndy: its just in there.

me: so how do I apply to be pope?
buddy: well, you can’t be married, so you’d have to leave your wife, but since that’s against the religion they’d ask you to leave anyway, so I think you’re boned
buddy: plus, you know, you can’t be an asshole
me: damn
.
.
.
me: you know my friend brings up a good point
me: if jesus was a jew… I can be pope too
buddy: yah, but see, Jesus had a lot more going for him than just being a Jew…
me: I can turn wine into pee and although I cant walk on water, I can hold my breath for like 2.5 minutes
.
.
.
me: 1 more question - if the pope comes back as a zombie does he still get to be pope?
buddy: nope. zombie’s don’t have souls and the soul is the pope’s essence, not the body
me: so if he comes back as a ghost he can pope?
buddy: sure, yeah, thats good
me: cool - catholicism just gained a few pts in my book
me: I am putting this convo on my blog buddy: ok - you can end with this:
buddy: so there’s this scientist who breaks the genetic code and creates life from dirt. he becomes world renowned. when he dies, he goes to st peter. St peter says, “ah good, God wants to see you”. So the scientist goes to God and says, “I’ve done what only you could do, I created human life from the dirt, from scratch. What do you have to say for yourself, God?” God smiles, looks down at the scientist and says, “Try making dirt”.
me: jokes about god offend me

Friend: i’m gonna go back in time and invent coffee
Me: I am gonna go back and invent coffee filters
Friend: i’m gonna go back and invent boiling water
Me: I am gonna go back and invent atomic bonding to create water
Friend: i’m gonna go back and make sure your parents never meet
Me: I will go back and make sure they meet and kiss at the school dance then travel forwards in time in a delorian resulting in hilarious consequences

This is why I love AIM:

Friend: I am joining the 21st century
Friend: I’m getting a DVR
Me: I will stick with my 17th century monk
Friend: he transcribes shows you missed?
Friend: “Verily, Rachel didst bonk Ross”
Me: it is tough getting him to copy code for me
Friend: i bet it is
Me: whilst one doesnt increment to the century mark by years of two
Me: ugh……stupid monk…
Friend: isn’t it hard to express a sine curve in Roman Numerals anyway?
Me: “shouldst the question of the truth be applied to the question of veracity of thine question, doeth the application of the first.
Friend: man, i wish there was a programming language that rendered the syntax like that
Friend: i would use it ALL the time
Me: Look at this crap:
Me: “here within the ennumeration of “x” shall forthwith be the dozen”
Me: I don’t know why I keep these guys around….